monster

It's scary how i find myself behaving more unreasonable day by day, how i'm afraid just one day i'll end up a replica of her.
but this has how i've always been isn't it?
It's obvious your patience is thinning out with me, because i know how tiring it is for someone to be with me, because i'm always over-thinking and overanalysing.
but hey, remember? you were the one who made me like this, this little trust and faith in you, you were the one who crushed me like this, destroyed us like that and put our relationship on the edge. It isn't that you're not doing enough, it's that it was way too much before, what you did to us.
and sometimes when i sense that this making-up-to-me things you're doing are becoming more of a liability to you, instead of something you're willing to do, i find all this pointless, us meaningless. and don't lie to yourself, you get sick and feel like you're obligatedly doing all these to win me back, to make me stay isn't it? it makes you feel like nothing you ever do will be enough for me. and when you're thinking this way, it's already there, the fact that all these are nothing but a burden and liability to you.
sometimes i get so tired of thinking about us, i wished we never started.
all i ever wanted was just a simple devoted guy, a simple relationship, no crazy ex, no crazy issues, just us. i thought you'd be the one to give what i want and need to me. but i guess not.
I find this so scary, you so scary. I miss the old you, yet i am utterly disgusted by the things you did to hurt me, whether intentionally or not. And i hate you for that.
I love the current you, but i find myself wondering all the time when will it be the day i'll lose this you. and it wears me out so badly constantly burning my mind with this.
spare me, please. my mind has been in turmoil ever since i met you and loved you. when will all this end before i finally could not take it anymore and run away from you?
i've never knew how bad it would hurt to love someone, until you.