i like it that your smiles are because of me now

I like the you now, minus the going berserk part i adore how you gaze and look at me as if i'm the only girl you see.
I like how you're planning our future in your head and grinning so wide just by thinking about it.
I like how you smile when i do small things like peck your cheeks/lips when i see you studying away, something i always did but i guess you took for granted and now you get so happy when i do it.
I like how you see me more important than anything/anyone else now.
I like how you are the one doing the mentioning on twitter now.
I like how you don't flare up at me, but instead know your mistakes and apologise instead of screaming, shouting at me.
I like how you're now giving in to me constantly, no matter what.
I like how you get jealous when i talk to/about other guys.
I like how you are so sure it's me you're marrying.
I like the you now who replies my texts promptly instead of taking your own time to.
I like how you chase me for replies when i didn't because thats how i know you cannot go without talking to me.
I like how you say you'd do anything, even quitting smoking and constantly asking me not to leave you.
I like how you get happy so easily with every small gesture i made, or reply to you.
I like how you text and call when you sense me getting upset and refusing to talk to you, instead of walking away to spite me further and return to me all cold and angry.
I like seeing how you now fear losing me.
will this you go back to how you were? I'm finding myself back, the me who'd cling onto you and do everything you're doing now. but i'm afraid once i return to how i am, you'll also revert to how you were and all these will disappear. that is why while waiting around for the wound to heal and for myself to forgive you, i don't want to go back to how i am if it means having of all these gone, i wanna stay distant, so you'd cherish my every move and sweet gesture preciously, not wanting to lose me or any of it.
maybe this is payback, you returning what i didn't had gotten before and you needing to do everything to get me back, get the complete me back.
I don't want, i don't like that thought that this will all go away. so where do i go from here, how do we go on from here....
where do i find the courage to forgive you, and love you whole again?