forever and always

I want to stay with you but i cannot bring myself to forgive you.
过不了心里那一关.
but please know I love you, i have always do and i will continue to. forever and always, remember?
we promised to stay together till we grow old, why couldn't you let me continue living in this little happy thought of mine? why did you have to do something like this to hurt me. why.
I love you Alfred, I'm just not sure if i can continue anymore, i keep trying to rid myself of whatever's holding me back to bring us back to where we were before, but the thoughts just keep haunting me. I get angry, I get upset because i feel so betrayed.
This dilemma keeps pulling me apart within, doing its own war and conflict to bring me down.
I hate you, but i hate myself even more for loving you, and causing you to be like this.
I want more than you to get myself to forgive and forget. I want more than you to be back to how we were.