You're my remedy

I'm someone with very low self-esteem
I hate how someone on the streets may just be looking at you but in my mind i would think that that person is secretly looking at and into all my physical flaws- i feel like i'm seen through all the way to my bones
I hate what i see in the mirror, because it reflects everything i hate, everything that reminds me of how i dont think i deserve anyone to love me

then i met you
You taught me love was embracing someone's every flaw, but i couldnt even see any of yours
You're everything i would always love to continue calling mine and i've never stopped thanking god for placing you into my life
I will never be thankful enough at how we were both let down and let go of by people who hurt us, at almost the same time, allowing us to meet each other and fall in love
being in love with you was both the easiest and hardest thing to do- there was nothing i would not love about you thats why you made falling for you so easy, yet being in love with you was so difficult to go through without being disappointed by your entangled past time and again
You saw things in me i could never see in me for myself, you used words so foreign to describe me because i'd never think they can be used on me
I may deny and refuse whenever you tell me i'm beautiful, because i can never understand what is it to you, but i never fail to smile and die a little inside being told almost daily this by someone i love.
Maybe one day i'll grow to believe that i'm really beautiful and to see beyond my physical/mental flaws if you continue it this way
You made me see things i could never see for myself, you stirred up emotions in me that have never been before

No doubt how i still hate what i see in the mirror but i am grateful that no matter how hopelessly ugly i am and unsatisfied i am with myself, i have you with me, i have you to love me

Thank god for you, thank you for you

You choose to be deaf, i then choose to be mute

And why can't you understand how frustrating it feels to feel as if your words have fallen on deaf ears?
Why cant you see how many times i've tried in better ways to show you i worry before i couldnt take it this time?
Stop brushing off what i say and acknowledging only its existence. Heed the advice, hear AND listen, see AND understand.
they come together cant you see that?
I need a man, i need someone who can give me a sense of security, not a kid who blows off rushing to race with someone when provoked, not someone who makes me tired from worrying each time he drives. But it seems like it had been fixed, how i'm always seeing you in the wrong for every single issue. Why cant you see the reason behind me flaring up?

In that moment i feel as if i do not matter my words do not carry any fucking weight, you know what i feel?
useless, motherfucking insignificant.

Past

Thinking about the past makes me bittersweet, how we came across and beyond everything to get to where we are, yet how much pain i had to withstand before you realised what you had.
Sometimes i grow afraid of the unknown future, because i can never picture a future without you, or at least for now. Its too bleak, i cannot even imagine it.
I have you now, and whenever you tell me the reasons why it was me you chose makes me contented, yet puzzled as to why did those bad things happen then, what went through your mind?
I wouldnt deny that i loved you alot, i did so much for you, i got hurt i stayed, i did everything i could for you but you couldnt see me then, yet you could now see the worse me, the me whos now putting in less than half the efforts i had and i should.
Bizzare isn't it, its precisely these kind of thoughts that push me further away from reality, from what i have now, from you, its these kind of thoughts that sets about the insecurity in my mind, fearing to lose grip of anything i hold dear to me now.
Oh what have you done to me, you're my sweetest mistake.