Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so

"The mistakes I've made are dead to me. But I can't take back the things I never did"
I once almost gave up on my deteriorating relationship with my mother.
We were on such bad terms, we argued every time we see each other, we never exchanged a word of regards nor any greetings, it was just fights after fights after fights. I even had the thought of moving out and doing it alone on my own outside. Crazy and immature huh?
I looked for rental flats online, I bookmarked them and almost contacted them, just after a quarrel with her so bad I called her a crazy woman and other nasty stuffs. Disrespectful, rude and totally not correct.
I had so many flaws within me, I had so many issues with myself and people around me yet I failed to address it as my own problem, blaming it on anyone but myself.
I told myself, I can make it outside alone, I can support myself on my measly a little less than 2k salary per month, as long as I need not give any allowance to my mum, which at that time I thought was a huge useless burden. I told myself I don't need her, I don't need family, I just needed a job, myself and a companion (which at that time was Alfred still), that's all. I can learn to do my laundry, I can learn to cook, I can learn to tidy up myself, I can learn to be independent.
............. bullshit. All of these are so damn fucking childish now that I think about it. I should never have uttered those hurtful words, I should not have hurt and pained her this way after everything she has gone through to raise us three up alone unlike that useless father of mine. How could I have done all this, leaving our relationship to rot and wither without doing anything to salvage it? How can I ever make up for my mistakes and wrongs enough?
Sadly I only learnt it the bitter way. Not really. But yeah around there. My relationship with her gradually improved as I got myself settled with my job, after my boyfriend influenced me to improve our relationship. It got way better after she was hospitalised and diagnosed shortly after with stage 4 of colon cancer. How late, how regretful.
It was like a punch that woke me up, a deadly painful punch that stung so bad.
But I'm glad my relationship with her has improved tremendously. We communicate, we understand, we talk, we rant, we hug, we kiss, we love. She's the hero of my life, and I can never do without her.
I am truly and deeply sorry about everything I have done/said to have cut her so bad. I will do better from now on, I don't want to leave any room for regrets. I want her, in my life healthy and happy for as long as possible.

I love you Mummy, I will never stop.