Insufficient

I feel like i can do so much more, i want to do so much more
I had dreams, i had things i wanted to see myself doing for the rest of my life but yet i find that i am lacking so much

I like seeing people's smiles, I like being in an environment i am happy in and right now my workplace isn't it at all
I have no motivation to head to work everyday i have taken up more leave than what a newbie would have taken in a year but i cannot stop, because once i find no joy in what i am doing, i just stop in my tracks, full-force
This is like dejavu, like a replay of what and how i've wasted my years in poly doing something i ended up flunking and leaving with a just-pass and a mentality that i absolutely cannot wait to graduate from that hell-hole
But guess what? It wasnt like that in Year 1, life was good and i actually enjoyed school because of the company i had around me, the joy i had attending school with the rest of the people i loved
Then things went downhill and i just. want out.

Customer service line has been something i have been doing and loved.
I loved working in f&b despite how tiring it gets, i loved seeing people satisfied with how i've presented myself but now, i cant. Maybe it is the environment that is not sufficient to make me strive maybe it is just me making up an excuse to cover up for my laziness but i swear if i love something i'd do it

I really want to venture out and see and feel so much more but theres so little i can reach out to, i feel empty i have nothing in my life that i can look forward to, i'm lost and i want to be found i want to know where this goes i know i can do so much more but theres no motivation anymore. I just stopped. I feel sad. I feel bad for being me, i feel fucked up for being my own limit and obstruction to more.

I'm only glad i have someone to support me in whatever i wanna do, thats one right thing i've done my whole life- loving and having him. Sometimes i even feel i'm the one dragging him and stopping him or us from advancing. Where do i go from here?