Friendships

Turning 22 this year, I became nolstagic and went on a search for photos and memories of the past, regardless if it is sec school, poly, post poly etc

I saw the genuine smiles on our faces 

Unknowingly I began to smile along

But I know now, nothing can salvage our friendships anymore

Because I was the one who betrayed the trust, I was the one who let myself drift away, I allowed myself to breach and hurt my friends

I singlehandedly destroyed my friendships

I am not a good friend

Never was, I am still not

I do not express nor put in efforts too much

I'm scared of people leaving

Yes I know its all just bullshit excuses

But to this group of friends whom I spent more than half of my poly life with

To this people whom I used to call my clique

I am sorry

I really am

The times and days with you guys had been one of the best throughout my entire life

I do not blame you all for not caring anymore

I am angry at myself for doing what I did

For letting myself ruin the friendships

I regret

But there's nothing I can do anymore.

I know maybe none of you may even chance upon this apology post

I'm sorry I do not have the courage to say it to you in the face/through other means 

But I really am so sorry.

I miss those times.

I miss the us then

I miss the me back then

I miss.. You all.