but it went downhill, i got so tired as i made a few mistakes along the way (or night). no they were not big enough for the management to reprimand me. But enough for a customer to storm away angrily because of a mistake i made. everytime any customers appear back to our counters, i fear i was the one who did something wrong to make them come back. not really a perfectionist, but i just expect more out of myself.
perhaps it's also the tone of the manager who replied to my request of taking an additional off day next week (= unpaid leave since i am not off probation yet) and his choice of words.
Frankly i've not ever felt as much responsibility for any of my work until this job. Even when it hurts so bad i am tearing, i see the queue of customers and lack of manpower i continued staying at my post.
but now i fear i may give up midway to learn about all the operations of the theatre before I even handle my management executive role. I feel like i'm inefficient yet demanding, feel like i'm not good enough for the role i'm meant for here even after trying my best.
I tried my best, I did, to learn as fast and as much knowing how short of manpower they were lacking, even to the point it was shocking to some of them. There's so much more left to learn and i'm already starting to put unknown and huge unexplanable amount of pressure on myself.
maybe it's me feeling alone, feeling down and empty. Maybe its because you're not here with me like usual, wiping my tears off whenever i feel upset. Maybe its me feeling lonely because of the lack of time to even rant to people who care.
even talking to you and wanting to tell you what happens everyday is so hard due to the time difference and lack of it to say it all to you.
Just a little empty tonight. I need a hug.
