Everything i wanna say

floating heart, maddening feelings

It's the little things that matter. I hate how this saddening feeling comes and go, how this happiness seem so short-lived.
I need to find it back, find myself back, probs find the feelings back. I dont know whats going on with myself, on how to feel about the current us.
when things get better, its natural for people to loosen their tensed selfs, expected mistakes to be forgotten and efforts will then lessen.
ask yourself, are you one of those who take the better for granted?
I was, am i still? Or am i not seeing the bigger picture enough, am i still adamant on the flaws and mistakes?
Is it wrong to live the way i've always lived, love the way i've always loved?
Have i changed, or have you changed? Or are my feelings the one screwing things up?
I dont know, we seem to have reached a stage where things are stagnant and we're standing at a crossroad junction, i'm unsure of where to go from here.
I know i cannot expect myself to go on being selfish and expect you to be tense all the time, doing anything just because of tw fear to lose me but i cannot help feeling emptiness many times when i'm with you.

I just wish these moments where I am lost on what to do about us, where to head to from here and these maddening maddening emotions will just go away.
Am i incapable of love and be loved anymore?
I'm starting to think so.

the idea of being in love

I think the idea of falling in love is both terrifying yet thrilling
The concept of relying on someone for now or for life
The thought of having your emotions dependant on someone
I am embracing this feeling of love, I'm learning how to love
And I'm so glad I have you to embark on this journey together with me

It's still unknown if we'll walk to the end.
I hope, but I am still unsure
Because the feeling gets lost and comes back.
All i want to do now is to enjoy this walk with you.
Happiest five months, my love.

This time its over

We dont see eye to eye on this issue of honesty and trust. You dont see how much i hate you lying, i dont see how you are afraid of speaking up.
Since i made you this fearful of me, i dont want to be the cause of it anymore, i dont want to know anything about you anymore.
Its such torture to be with someone whom i love so so much, and brings me so much happiness, yet he can make me so fuming mad, and not trust him that much.
I'm so sick and tired, i so want to say-
this time, it's really over.