sadly i meant every word i said today

I gave you a chance to salvage, you took it, tried and now destroyed everything again.
I tried to give it a chance, i tried to make it work, but then i realised what's not meant to be, will never be.

home is where the heart is

they say home is where the heart is.
to me, this is no longer a home, it's just a house.
nobody understands anyone in this place we call family anymore, it was broken long ago and no one is bothering to pick up the pieces and mend them up, no one.
I want to, but there's only so much one can do. It takes two hands to clap, i can't be the only one trying to change things.
you make me feel like i'm doing everything for nothing, you make me feel like i'm never good enough for you nor this family.
so i'm done, i'm 200% fucking done.

our love was true

"Sometimes, love is just not enough. No matter how hard we've tried, our problems remain unsolved. We loved and got hurt along the way, thats enough, right? Despite our efforts, we've already reach our limits. I really don't want things to end between us, after all the things we've put up with each other, our fights and suffering, we still have those laughing moments and happy times, right? I love ...you, but it's a pity this feeling can't solve our problems. Have you ever cried so hard with someone you love over something both of you can't resolve? We hugged and cried together because we cared for each other, it proved that our love was true."

my once in a lifetime

I love you more than i thought it was possible to love someone
I never knew it would be this immense, this intense to love someone
you put me through pain i thought i'd probably die from, you make me so happy i never thought i could ever been my whole life
You're my lifeline, you're the bane of my life, you're my once in a lifetime. I love and hate you, sometimes i'm so happy i met you, sometimes i wished you didnt appear to put me and my heart through such torture.
You make me feel and embrace all the emotions possible in the world, you make me complete.

you feel hopeless like nothing can save you

every now and then i'm so afraid i'll become so unreasonable, so taking you for granted that you'll always love me, that you'll always give in to me, that i'll become incorrigible.
will you still love me, by then?

a little dance party

A little more, a little less. A step forward, a step back. it feels like we're having a little dance party on our own. and in the end, all we will ever be is back to square one.

I find her a joke, i find that her words and actions do not tally at all. I find that she's such a irony, that she say one thing, mean another and do another. that's how you were too, such a match made in heaven. that is why i have little faith in you, i saw how heartless her words were, yet what she did was different. the similarity between the two of you is too great, that i cannot trust you just like how i cannot never take her words seriously.

when someone wants you back, they do everything possible to win you back. but little did they know, the more they do, the more the receiving party expects, or rather for me, to let the amount of efforts stay. I am not saying that to solve the problem, the one side should do lesser such that the end who's taking, for now will not expect as much. it is not that way, right? whatever efforts you put in now should stay, stay the way it is even after she took a step forward and nearer, back to how she was.
holding hands a little less tighter, no longer looking at her when she fell asleep, or just looking at her while she looks at you, not holding her when you sleep. not doing what you did, telling the world of this girl you love, right after you part ways, or at times she did not expect it, telling her what she mean to you, right after you say goodbye.
trivial matters like these matter, and the fact that it happened now right at the time when contact was made with the past, makes her think alot, alot.
if one cannot keep up with what you did, cannot not loosen the little things you do for her, then don't do that much from the start. are you prepared to put in this much efforts forever, are you?

you can love the person you trust, but you cannot always trust the person you love

I'm so tired, I'm so worn out. I wonder everyday why did you let this happen, time and again, why did you scar us like that, making it so hard for me to believe, to trust and to love again?
I hate you so much, yet i love you as much.
It's so hard to believe, I'm so afraid to step closer to you, to hand you my heart again, I know how it will hurt both you and me should I not believe you, or doubt whatever you say. I'm so scared of any changes, anything happening again because it reminds me how bad it hurts, to not be able to trust the one you love.

I surrendered out my heart and swop it for yours

"my thoughts are stars i cannot fathom into constellations"

love and hate, coexisting